A Peek Into My Screwed Up Mind


It’s Baby Week on Zenestex.com! Once upon a time, we used this site to post Top 10 Chicks, Girls of the Day, Babes of the Week, or even Guys of the Day when Mrs. Zenestex staged a coup d'état. I guess we're all finally growing up and getting responsible and shit. Pffft! Growing up my ass. Newsflash Baby Boomers: We're Toys R Us kids and it's all your fault. You made our childhoods so disgustingly awesome that we can't let go. Oh those silly Generation X'ers, always flicking the boogers of blame at our parents.

Today I present the Illustrious Security Gawd's post about his Coming-Soon Daughter's snazzy, new bedroom. Tomorrow my cousin, Li, regales us with her Real Adventures in Preggerhood as only she can tell it.

For those who don't know, Security Gawd is my brother-in-law and one of my best buddies. He and Julz--my wife's ickle sister--are two of the most proud and most excited parents-to-be of all time. I mean like EVAR. At the time of this post, Pretty Sammy is due any day. I'm totally thrilled for both of them;  I'm also jazzed about spoiling the hell out of my little niece. It's my duty (doody) as her uncle to shower her with the good stuff like He-Man, She-Ra, Legos, Teenage MUTANT Ninja Turtles, and non-lethal weapons while veering her away from the dumb, pink aisle crap like Barbie and My Little Pony. Without further ado:


A Birthday Gift From The Gawds: Part 1

I’m not a birthday guy. When I was maybe 9 years old, birthdays were great! They
were like the warmup show for Christmas—where toys and cash rained from the heavens.
Now that I am a safe distance into my 30’s, birthdays merely mean that I somehow
survived another trip around our modest sized star. Those birthdays also seem to
come a lot faster now.

Time is indeed relative and, as a kid, it moved along at a snail’s pace. I wanted
to grow up so badly. My mom always used to say, “Enjoy being a kid. Adulthood sucks,
honey.” Well, maybe not in so many words, but that was the gist. And, wow, was she
right. Why are moms always so right? Responsibilities, careers, bills, mortgages,
deadlines, insurance, 401K’s, politics, taxes, doctors, gray hairs, nosehair plucking.
When I was a kid, I always wondered if having armpit hair would tickle. Well, it
doesn’t, but nosehairs do. The worst is when you can feel them wafting in the wind
with each breath. God, I want to make a sprint for the bathroom and pluck this thing.


Security Gawd’s Top 20

I will admit, the first list I presented was thrown together in haste. I didn't do much research and some very deserving women suffered. I wanted to join in the fun and make a list too! The new and improved Top 20 is my final verdict. There was so tough decisions all around, some tears were shed in both joy and sorrow. I could just cut it down to only ten. In fact, I had a hard enough time with only 20! So without further ado, here is the ultimate Top 20 Hottest Celebrity Chicks for 2008!