A Peek Into My Screwed Up Mind


It’s Baby Week on Zenestex.com! Once upon a time, we used this site to post Top 10 Chicks, Girls of the Day, Babes of the Week, or even Guys of the Day when Mrs. Zenestex staged a coup d'état. I guess we're all finally growing up and getting responsible and shit. Pffft! Growing up my ass. Newsflash Baby Boomers: We're Toys R Us kids and it's all your fault. You made our childhoods so disgustingly awesome that we can't let go. Oh those silly Generation X'ers, always flicking the boogers of blame at our parents.

Today I present the Illustrious Security Gawd's post about his Coming-Soon Daughter's snazzy, new bedroom. Tomorrow my cousin, Li, regales us with her Real Adventures in Preggerhood as only she can tell it.

For those who don't know, Security Gawd is my brother-in-law and one of my best buddies. He and Julz--my wife's ickle sister--are two of the most proud and most excited parents-to-be of all time. I mean like EVAR. At the time of this post, Pretty Sammy is due any day. I'm totally thrilled for both of them;  I'm also jazzed about spoiling the hell out of my little niece. It's my duty (doody) as her uncle to shower her with the good stuff like He-Man, She-Ra, Legos, Teenage MUTANT Ninja Turtles, and non-lethal weapons while veering her away from the dumb, pink aisle crap like Barbie and My Little Pony. Without further ado:


Hello Kitty Hell!

Hello Kitty, two little words that always bring a smile to my face. Oh, it isn’t for the reason you are thinking. I am not a Sanrio© Hello Kitty fan by any stretch of the imagination. I have, what I recently described to my friends over beers and bar food, “embraced the gayness” of Hello Kitty. Well, it turns out I should have thought that through just a little bit before I blurted that out. Sounds a little like I am now an HK fanatic (I have shortened Hello Kitty to HK, deal with it).


Stimulus Packages of the Gawd

I have been in the process of writing a few articles for this fantastic website. However, I hit a wall: Writer’s block. I didn’t know that writer’s block could affect someone who isn’t a writer by any stretch of the imagination, but yet it is there, looking me dead in the face, licking its lips. I explained my predicament to Mr. Zenestex who told me to just write through it. Start babbling away till something makes sense, then go with it and delete the babbles later. Ok, easy enough. So I did. What I ended up with surprised the hell out of me. Inside this fantastically oversized noggin of mine was a plan. (I am not saying that I have a big brain, it is quite the opposite. My head is freaking huge. It has its own gravitational field.) A great plan if I do say so myself; a plan so epic and awe inspiring that I have already booked my flight to Sweden to accept my Nobel Prize. Ladies and gentlemen, I, Security Gawd, have figured out how to save the economy.


Security Gawd’s Immaculate Constipation

A few friends and I went to Melbourne, FL for the 4th of July weekend to stay at Cole’s Mother’s house. We had an absolutely incredible time setting off ridiculously large fireworks to “scare away birds,” tubing from a boat, airboating, eating great food, and drinking beer. Security Gawd was with us for the weekend getaway; the following article is his account of the weekend and the most glorious shit he has ever taken. Enjoy!

No matter how you celebrate a holiday, it is always a pleasure and joy to celebrate it with your close friends and family. With my family being about a thousand miles north of me, I don’t really have the option of heading up there just on a whim. I am always thankful when great friends invite me to celebrate the holidays with their families. Just such an occasion happened this past weekend for Independence Day. Several of us from the office joined up with the infamous “Cole” to spend the holiday in her hometown across the state with Cole’s Mother. It was an absolute blast that all of us will be recuperating from for several more days.


Security Gawd’s Top 20

I will admit, the first list I presented was thrown together in haste. I didn't do much research and some very deserving women suffered. I wanted to join in the fun and make a list too! The new and improved Top 20 is my final verdict. There was so tough decisions all around, some tears were shed in both joy and sorrow. I could just cut it down to only ten. In fact, I had a hard enough time with only 20! So without further ado, here is the ultimate Top 20 Hottest Celebrity Chicks for 2008!