Monday Morning Mashup: Star Wars, SOPA, and Hello Kitty Jets

This is all the shit I found interesting last week while surfing the net instead of writing my novel. I can't believe that "surfing the net" is still acceptable parlance over fifteen years later. This week we cover Death Star Economics, the Evils of SOPA and NDAA, the crap new DC Comics logo, Hello Kitty jetliners, and No No No Cat.

Death Star Economics

If constructed today, the Death Star would cost $15.6 septillion.  It never occurred to me that the number septillion existed until I read this article. Million, billion, trillion, quadrillion. I guess it makes sense. Put another way: if you could scrounge up that kind of change, then you could either unleash your empirical wrath upon the galaxy or give $2.2 billion to every single person on Earth. Disclaimer: my math could be off by a few zeroes. http://gizmodo.com/5146010/death-star-costs-156-septillion-14-trillion-times-the-us-debt

Why I'm Suing Barack Obama by Chris Hedges

The National Defense Authorization Act 2012 (NDAA) is an insanely stupid bill that grants Obama authority to throw American citizens into a military prison indefinitely without due process. And he was a constitutional law professor?! Obama knows exactly what these powers entail, but we have his word that he'll never use them. Comforting thought, you fascist! Great. Now I sound like one of those frothing, tricorn-hat-wearing weirdos on Fox News. Thank you, Chris Hedges, for firing the opening volley in this war for our constitutional rights. Shame on you Obama. http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/why_im_suing_barack_obama_20120116/

Assy New DC Comics Logo.

From the classic, to the tolerable update, to What The Fuck.

What is this abomination? As a lifelong DC Fanboy, I can't help but feel betrayed by this logo change. What's the goal here? The press release talks about the peel effect representing the duality of their iconic characters and dynamic blah, snarf, fart, hack, puke, marketing 101, recycled, bullshit, vomit speak. It looks like a fly-by-night, late 90's, internet company logo drawn by a high school intern with a pirated copy of Photoshop. It hurts my eyes. It pains my heart. I may now have to start reading X-Men. http://www.geeksofdoom.com/2012/01/19/dc-entertainment-unveils-all-new-company-logo-and-initiative/

SOPA Was Evil

Another week, another egregious assault on constitutional rights by our corporate masters congressmen. Thousands of websites blacked out last week in protest of the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA). These two anti-piracy bills might mean well, but instead would’ve resulted in a power grab for mega-giant entertainment companies over the internet. The good news is we won this battle. Allegedly, lawmakers shelved the two bills and the issue is now under further research—this time, hopefully, by people who actually understand how the internet works. Chuck Wendig, one of the best writers today, straight-talked his opposition to SOPA/PIPA: http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2012/01/18/why-sopa-and-pipa-and-other-anti-piracy-bullshit-measures-matter-to-writers/

Hello Kitty Jetliner

The notion of a Hello Kitty jetliner is ridiculous enough to warrant inclusion, but this link begs for context. I blame Miso Drunk for all of this. Back in 2007, Miso and Security Gawd were joking on each other as per usual. "You're fat and gay!" was the gist of her jokes. SG would always come back with something like "You're Chinese and can't speak Engrish."

Miso scored the ultimate slam when she said that she witnessed SG and his boyfriend shopping at the Hello Kitty store over the weekend. We were in tears laughing. The accusation was so hilariously absurd that SG could do nothing but walk away. A few days later we gave him some Hello Kitty candies and the craze began.

Miso's joke followed SG to his new job where, on his first day, he found his desk equipped with pastel Hello Kitty office supply goodness. My family quickly caught on. Every time my wife or her sister sees something with Hello Kitty, they send the picture to him. "Awww Hello Kevvy."

Even our extended family joined in on the festivities. SG receives Hello Kitty Christmas gifts every year. He has a Hello Kitty stocking, a Hello Kitty toaster, a Hello Kitty makeup set. His wife has Hello Kitty PJ's.

SG's Hello Kevvy Christmas stocking, handmade by Party Crasher

Over the years, SG has attempted every tactic of defusing this joke: deflection, derision, minimization, ignoring, playing along, laughing with everyone, scowling at everyone. Lately he just answers the jokes with a defeated sigh. It's never going away. Oh, and he sent us all a link to the Hello Kitty Boeing 777 last week. http://www.seattlepi.com/business/boeing/article/Japan-Airlines-debuts-Hello-Kitty-Boeing-777-2517857.php

Sci-Fi's (Do I have to call it SyFy?) Image of the Day

I never understood all the vitriol aimed at George Lucas over the Star Wars prequels. I actually enjoyed the prequels more than the original trilogy. Okay, the Phantom Menace is all sorts of dreadful. I used to claim that it was better than the originals just to work the Star Wars fans into a nerd-rage. Then I somehow became one myself.

Look, the Phantom Menace came out almost 13 years ago. Let. It. Go. No matter how many times you watch the flick, Jar Jar will still be there, stumbling and slobbering through his irrelevant role. The other two prequels fit right in with the originals. Star Wars wouldn't exist without George Lucas. You think you can do better? Write a honking screenplay and show us. http://blastr.com/2012/01/image-of-the-day-the-grea-1.php

Props to Lindsey for introducing us to No No No Cat, the best animal YouTube I've seen since the Honey Badger.