It has come to my attention that our beloved Zenestex.com has been infiltrated by the ignorant. Recently, one of our writers, Ligia, was verbally assaulted by a reader known only as "Glen." Not only was her article trashed, but her family, boyfriend, and career were also scrutinized. Although Ligia chose to not say anything in regards to this matter (due to a pending investigation), I, Sho Nuff, protector of all things Zenestex.com, will gladly take care of this situation.
After careful review of Ligia's article, Stankonya, and the imbecilic comment left for display, I have determined that this intrusive statement of opinion is absolute Trailer Park Trash (TPT). This article is devoted to you, TPT. Please click on the following song below and have it playing in the background while reading the rest of this article.
It is with great enthusiasm that I am able to tickle your intellect with Editing 101 for the TPT.
Glen? You look so, uh, TPT-tastic?
For those people (cough, TPT, cough) who haven't received a gold-star sticker since the 3rd grade, I have underlined each humongous word to help expand your vocabulary. It's likely that these colossal words might be above your maximum educational grade level. Therefore, I have provided definitions for each word as a quick reference for you, the uncultured TPT. In addition to these definitions, I have also included a breakdown of how to enunciate these herculean words, so that you too can follow along with the rest of us. I hope that this article is somewhat educational for you, TPT, and mildly entertaining for the rest.
"He's" a real TPT-"Man" living in "his" TPT-Land
Seeing as though you had the audacity to submit such a disrespectful comment for all of the Zenestex followers to see, I have obligated myself to point out your massive ignorance to everyone. After careful analysis of your horrific animadversion, I have concluded that your remark is not only a scurrilous attack on Ligia, but it is also engulfed with grammatical errors. I am curious to know what your actual academic background is.' It completely baffles me that you have the arrogance to write something so vulgar, yet you can't even manage to formulate an actual sentence. 'So I took the liberty of printing out your idiotic statement and correcting it. There is absolutely no need to thank me (you can do that when you pass the 3rd grade, assuming you are even capable). The arduous task of correcting your mistakes was rather time consuming. However, it was also somewhat entertaining.
The Comment. I've taken the liberty of correcting some mistakes.
I'm sure that you are slightly perplexed as to why I posted this ridiculous comment. You see, TPT, your natural ignorance is quite amusing. Although your intentions were malicious, it was completely overshadowed by your obvious obtuseness. I cannot help but wonder if you know anything about IP addresses. Even though you created a fake name and a fake email address, an IP address links your computer to our website AND WE HAVE YOUR IP ADDRESS, "Glen."
TPT in business attire
Let me take a step back here since I'm quite positive that I just caused an elephantine overload in your minuscule brain. How can I "TPT this down" enough for you to comprehend? Bear with me folks, this is for the short bus: An Internet Protocol (IP'get it?) address uniquely identifies a computer on a network. Lost already, TPT? It's amazing you can tie your own shoe. Or do you wear the Velcro straps? Don't lie. Let me back up one more time for the Velcro-strapping Cro-Magnon (my apologies to all Cro-Magnons): A computer is that magic box that attaches to the hole in the wall and runs on lightning. You used it to post foul, idiotic nonsense on Zenestex.com. An IP network can range from a simple home wireless network to the entire internet. You know, the thing you are abusing at your workplace to read this article (that is, if you are so blessed as to even have a job).
Do try to keep up, TPT, this is not rocket science. In order to differentiate which computer sent what information, there are certain numerical sequences that are attached to your computer. Hang in there TPT, think of it like this: your computer is like a house with a street address. Your mailbox has numbers attached to it'an address. The address links directly to your magical box. Still following or did I lose you at magical box again? Your computer's IP Address keeps track of everything you send or receive. It tells other computers where to deliver information, so that it gets to your computer (like an electronic mailman). Unlike your home, where you get actual paper envelopes with pretty pictures stuffed inside, a computer receives bits of information which it uses to build webpages or stream porn to your monitor.
An IP address is usually represented as 4 fields each representing numbers in the range or 0 to 255 separated by decimal points. I know I've lost you by now. So, in order for you to fully comprehend this, I have posted a visual which should be self explanatory. But then again, perhaps I'm giving you too much credit. I didn't have time to draw stick figures on cave walls.
By the way, TPT, that funny looking circle in the middle is the world. You see, the world is not flat. It's a globe. That's another lesson for another time.
As you can see, my dearest TPT, I have no qualms with stooping to your nescient level. The only difference between your attack against Ligia and my assault against you is that I have managed to effortlessly defecate intellectual tidbits in your peon-sized dome. I'm quite sure by your lack of intelligence that you were raised in a fecal infested trailer. Forgive me for speaking a bit prematurely, but did you seriously believe that you could conduct your barnyard antics with impunity?
You see, TPT, this website is for the friends and family members of Mr. Zenestex. We are like a pack of wolves. If one of our own is weakened, we will seek out and annihilate whoever is inflicting such distress. Your undeniable denseness speaks volumes for your lack of class, character, and moral standards. It is with my deepest hope that Editing 101 for the TPT educates you. In my efforts to embed 3rd grade grammar into your bleak head, I hope that you will retain this information and break the vicious cycle of ignorance. You've somehow managed to escape natural selection up to this point (thanks a lot Mr. Warning Label Writer), I just pray that you haven't tainted the future offspring of this world with your stupidity.
I would like for all the Zenestex family members and followers to stand up, yes right now! Please applaud this dim-witted waste of DNA for filling our work day with humor while TPT carries on her days hating her utter existence. We applaud you, TPT! Here's your standing Ovation from the entire Zenestex Family!
Glossary for TPT
Infiltrate: (in-fil-treyt) to filter into or through; permeate.
Scrutinize: (skroot-n-ahyz) to examine in detail with careful or critical attention.
Imbecilic: (im-buh-sil-ik) contemptibly stupid, silly, or inappropriate
Intrusive: (in-troo-siv) tending or apt to intrude; coming without invitation or welcome
Enthusiasm: (en-thoo-az-uh m) absorbing or controlling possessions of the mind by any interest or pursuit; lively interest
Intellect: (in-tl-ekt) the power or faculty of the mind by which one knows or understands, as distinguished from that by which one feels and that by which one wills; the understanding; the faculty of thinking and acquiring knowledge.
Humongous: (hyoo-mungh-guh s) Extremely large; enormous
Colossal: (kuh-los-uhl) extraordinarily great in size, extent, or degree; gigantic; huge.
Uncultured: (uhn-kuhl-cher) the lack or absence of culture
Enunciate: (i-nuhn-see-eyt) to utter or pronounce (words, sentences, etc.), esp. in an articulate or a particular manner
Herculean: (hur-kyuh-lee-n) having enormous strength, courage, or size.
Audacity: (aw-das-i-tee) boldness or daring, esp. with confident or arrogant disregard for personal safety, conventional thought, or other restrictions.
Animadversion: (an-uh-mad-vur-zhuh n) an unfavorable or censorious comment
Scurrilous: (skur-uh-luhs) grossly or obscenely abusive
Arduous: (ahr-joo-uh s) requiring great exertion; laborious; difficult
Perplexed: (per-plekst) bewildered; puzzled: a perplexed state of mind.
Malicious: (muh-lish-uh s) Law. vicious, wanton, or mischievous in motivation or purpose.
Obtuseness: (uh-b-toos) not quick or alert in perception, feeling, or intellect; not sensitive or observant; dull.
Elephantine: (el-uh-fan-teen) Enormous in size
Minuscule: (min-uh-skyool) Very small; tiny.
Qualm: (kuahm) an uneasy feeling or pang of conscience as to conduct; compunction
Nescient: (nesh-uh-ns) lack of knowledge; ignorance.
Barnyard: (bahyr-yahrd) indecent; smutty; vulgar:
Affiliate: (uh-fil-ee-eyt) to bring into close association or connection:
Annihilate: (uh-nahy-uh-leyt) to reduce to utter ruin or nonexistence; destroy utterly:
Denseness: (dens-nehn-s) the quality of being mentally slow and limited
Differentiate: (dif-uh-eyt) to form or mark differently from other such things; distinguish
Dim-witted: (dihm- wa person, med) lacking mental capacity and subtlety
Ovation: (oh-vey-shuhn) an enthusiastic public reception of a person, marked esp. by loud and prolonged applause.