Security Gawd’s Immaculate Constipation

A few friends and I went to Melbourne, FL for the 4th of July weekend to stay at Cole’s Mother’s house. We had an absolutely incredible time setting off ridiculously large fireworks to “scare away birds,” tubing from a boat, airboating, eating great food, and drinking beer. Security Gawd was with us for the weekend getaway; the following article is his account of the weekend and the most glorious shit he has ever taken. Enjoy!

No matter how you celebrate a holiday, it is always a pleasure and joy to celebrate it with your close friends and family. With my family being about a thousand miles north of me, I don’t really have the option of heading up there just on a whim. I am always thankful when great friends invite me to celebrate the holidays with their families. Just such an occasion happened this past weekend for Independence Day. Several of us from the office joined up with the infamous “Cole” to spend the holiday in her hometown across the state with Cole’s Mother. It was an absolute blast that all of us will be recuperating from for several more days.